The Gym, From Inside the Mind of an Exercise-Phobic

Me as I dragged my ass down the street to Crunch yesterday: Dear gym, I hate you. Lovelessly and resentfully, my body.
Me upon entering the gym: Why is there always a line at the counter? Of course the desk girl doesn’t have any towels out. “Can I have a large towel, please?” Instead of handing [...]

Twitter: The Ultimate Circle Jerk

“Oh, so you know what happened to me yesterday?” I said to Ryan while we were sitting at our desks.
“One second, sweetie.” I looked over at him and saw him tapping away on his iPhone. Mm-hmm. Like I even had to guess. He was Twittering.
“Okay, so… are you listening?” I asked.
“Can we talk at [...]

Disabling the Enabler

Last night, Ryan and I were in our weekly therapy session with possibly the world’s best shrink (not to be confused with the world’s hottest shrink who I see individually whenever the world starts to feel a little wobbly).
Yesterday, it was Ryan’s turn to be picked apart. We switch off, depending on who’s having the [...]

Money = Cottage on Beach and Permission to Drive Drunk

Sometimes I get so antsy in my life, I wonder, what the hell am I doing here? Why aren’t I living in a cottage on a beach, near some trails where I can mountain bike or hike with my dog? It’s a mental check-in to see how I am doing. Am I living in a [...]

Coffee Loves Me

I rescind, I rescind! All that anxiety last night about coffee killing me was for naught! (I think exclamation points are a side-effect of too much caffeine!)
I am going to caffeinate like crazy today to celebrate the news that coffee is going to extend my life by 12,000 years. And then tonight I’m going to [...]

Everything’s Coming Up Roses

I don’t know why I’m in such a panic lately. I got up this morning and filled up on coffee until the usual heart palpitations kicked in, which normally I don’t mind. I love my coffee. I adore my coffee. Getting hyperstimulated to the point of giddiness is one of the great things about my [...]

I Want to Live Forever

Did you know that about me? I’m obsessed with health news and longevity research and figuring out how I can stay on this earth longer than the rest of you schmucks. One thing I learned in my studies is that you’ve got to have a positive outlook. Clearly, I’m fucked. I’m blogging about it over [...]

It’s Electric!

Last night, Linda, Adam, Ryan and I went to dinner at the Burrito Bar, a neighborhood Mexican restaurant that has a very T.G.I. Friday’s feel — festive, kitschy, and very dedicated to its hippie-Mexican theme. As Ryan put it, “All we need is a waiter singing ‘Happy Birthday’ off-beat. ‘Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy birthday to [...]

I’ll Tumble 4 Ya

My friend Linda is very accident prone. The last time we went out drinking she fell off her barstool, and then dumped the entire contents of her purse onto the floor. True, I did smash my finger in the bathroom door that night, but I attribute that to being dangerous when drunk. I have poor [...]

It Was in the Stars

It all started with a horoscope. Doesn’t it always? At exactly 5:02pm, my beloved Ryan read his desktop horoscope widget. It told him to be bold to the point of obnoxiousness today. Not something you should tell someone whose nickname is McShowoff. And, no, he’s not a Leo, in case you’re wondering. He’s an [...]