Down with Carlo Rossi

At work last week, a few of us compared notes on our worst night of drinking ever; Carlo Rossi was implicated twice. Jose Cuervo, once. One friend, depressed over a guy, said she was going to do a shot of tequila for every person that was in the room. She passed out by 9pm and woke up naked in her bed surrounded by a circle of breadsticks.Our other Carlo Rossi victim (me being the first) threw up in her one-night-stand’s bed, tossed on her clothes (backwards), and ran off across campus with her one-night-stand in pursuit. I believe we’re all still suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. So I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and do what any good American would do: Sue.

Civil Lawsuit Against Carlo Rossi Jug Wine

Have you ever been wronged, humiliated or seriously injured by the consumption of jug wine? If you or someone you know has been involved in an accident caused by cheap, by-the-gallon supermarket wine, we can help. There’s no need to suffer alone. Join thousands of other consumers in our class-action lawsuit.

You may qualify if you have experienced any of the following: Consumption of large quantities of Carlo Rossi white zinfandel between your college freshman and senior years that resulted in:

• Obsessive thoughts that may have led to the repeated drunk-dialing of your ex, demanding closure of a breakup that happened almost a year ago
• Poor judgment that could make you think showing up to your ex-boyfriend’s house would be the logical next step to his hanging up on your repeated drunk calls
• Loss of balance, that may have caused you to slip off the edge of your ex-boyfriend’s couch no less than four times while you tried to explain to him why he was such an asshole
• Slurred speech that may have prevented you from leaving his place with a single shred of self-worth
• Lost sense of reality that may have allowed you to then show up three hours late for an intimate dinner party to which you were only peripherally invited and whose hosts you had only met that week
• Repeated vomiting in a near-stranger’s bathroom less than 10 minutes after you’ve make your grand entrance
• Lack of coordination that could cause you to tumble down a flight of stairs at your guests’ home after leaving a puddle of vomit in their bathroom
• And, momentary blackouts that protect you from being as humiliated as you should be and that make you wonder how you ever made it home the night before.

If you or a loved one have experienced any of these traumatic injuries, you deserve financial recourse. It is our goal to help our victims put their life back together so they can go on as best they can.