A Love Letter from My Past:
Dear Mr. Karnazes,
I think I love you. I used to be in love with Lance Armstrong until he had to go and ruin it by dating Sheryl Crowe (sin!) and giving her breast cancer (double sin!). And then, to make my love completely irrecoverable (yes, you still had a chance, Lance), he had to go and quit the Tour de France. Quit, retire, whatever, same difference. Quitters never win and winners never quit, Lance! Guess that makes him one big loser. But not you, Mr. Karnazes. You’d run yourself into the ground, legs broken, blind as a bat and delirious from scorching 130-degree heat before you’d ever call it quits. I could lop off your legs like in that Kathy Bates movie and you’d still manage to complete your 135-mile ultramarathon through Death Valley in the middle of summer. Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you, Dean. That’s not something I would ever do. I just wanted to let you know that I’m reading your book, Ultra Marathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner and I really admire your obsession. Some people probably think you’re crazy, but not me, Dean. I call that kind of single-mindedness passion. And that’s all I’ll ever have for you.
Love,
Your Number One Fan Forever and Ever
Jill
I was on a bit of an ultra-endurance kick at the time. Not that I feel any need to qualify my perfectly reasonable feelings for Dean. After all, he did inspire me to start running to the gym every morning. Sure it was just around the corner, but so what? I was up while you were all still snoozing and losing.
I never did send that letter. I just don’t know if he could have handled all that love, what with his rigorous training schedule and all.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Badwater, Dean Karnazes, insane, lance armstrong, love letters, obsession, ultramarathon
I used to have a crush on the uniballer also; that is, until the rumors swirled that he was dating one of the Olsen girls. How could my love continue for a man who was associated with a billionaire bag lady?!
Oh dear! Where has this blog been all my life?
Do not send that letter, unless your passion for fashion includes orange jumpsuits.
Funny enough, my favorite color is orange…
I actually did meet Dean once. I did my try my very best to act normal. I think he bought it, too. He was just such an earnest fellow. Someone like me would have scared the fucking shit out of him.