Who Wouldn’t Want a Blue Bush?

I love finding freebies on the giveaway table at work, almost as much as the free champagne and sushi we gorged on today up on the 44th floor of our office building – we’re talking executive suites with ceiling to floor windows that give you a view of the entire Manhattan island. So this is [...]

Unsexiest Post Ever

Ehem. Can I have your attention, please? It has been brought to my attention that the link preview application on my blog is rendering some people’s Firefox browsers unuseable (otherwise known as useless. I’ve been taking vocabulary lessons from Mr. George). Would love — love, mind you. not like. LOVE — if you could shoot [...]

Fat, Thirsty, Bowel-Wrenching Blackouts

I haven’t moved from my desk all day today, in part because of my cute designer heels - they pinch at the toes and flip off my feet when I walk. It’s unfortunate. Now I am thirsty and the water cooler is so very far away. Now that I’m thinking about it, I realize I [...]

Kill me now

What the motherfuck? I have a 10am doctor’s appointment, and I’m still sitting in the waiting room an hour and a half later. I will shoot someone, and I’m quite sure my victim will bleed to death before the doctor decides to see him. I’m setting my sights on the bandana-clad burnout sitting behind me [...]

The Sound and the Fury

Oh my god this guy that I share a cubicle wall with is killlling me. KILL. ING. ME. And not softly mind you. Loudly. Very fucking loudly. The company pumps white noise into our office to drown out voices and it does nothing to soften the blow of his vocal chords.

Insulted on Every Level

An email exchange between me and my coworker Emily that I seriously wish I could take back. Sorry, Emily. Sorry, Tim. I’m just so sorry.
From: Emily
Sent: Wednesday, April 23, 2008 11:14 AM
To: Jill
Subject: no more…
Alas, Jill… I’ll certainly miss your cheery disposition on Mondays and Wednesdays and hope that we do, indeed, meet up for [...]

I Have Bigger Muscles than Denise Austin

Before any of you think about messing with me (Hey, I’m just being proactive), there’s something you should know. I could kick your ass if I wanted to.
I’ve had a penchant for arm-wrestling ever since grammar school. I’m not sure how it got started, exactly, but once it did, it was ON. You see, I [...]

iPhones Save Lives

I have a confession to make: I got an iPhone for my birthday. And I love it.  Yes, yes, yes,  I remember what I said four days ago:  “I resent cell phones, Blackberries, and anything that makes me immediately accessible to anyone other than myself. “
But as Momo Fali so wisely pointed out,  if I’d [...]

The Post-Vacation Blues

And back to civilization. I woke up this morning thrilled to finally have a proper cup of coffee. Do people in the Catskills have something against strong coffee? Is the mountain air all they need to get themselves up and running each morning? Getting my caffeine fix each morning was like trying to get drunk [...]

Blog Separation Anxiety

Dear blog, I’ve missed you. It’s been 35 hours and 52 minutes since I last saw you, and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. Please don’t think I’m purposefully neglecting you - it’s just that I’ve had no internet access. I’m experiencing some serious separation anxiety. And I’m beginning to [...]